I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
me + whiskey = a bad person
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
