Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
