Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
