I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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