you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
