We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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