worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
