White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
