i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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