Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
