I'm so fucking centered right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Operation Purity has been aborted
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
