I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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