Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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