Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
