I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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