I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
