I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
