...so i touched it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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