So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
