i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
