And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
