Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
