Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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