I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
