my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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