That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
