the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
