In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
