I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
