why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
