You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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