i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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