barbara walters just said penis...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
