Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
