So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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