Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
