why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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