My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
