Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
