he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize