Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
