So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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