Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
