SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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