I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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