she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
