When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
