Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
not ubering you a puppy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
