im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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