Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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