I accidentally had phone sex last night
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
