I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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